Mike Howard

A Eulogy for Ryan Beaupre '95 by Mike Howard (March 25, 2003)

Why are we here? Why are you and I here today? Everyone here has a different answer to that question. The easiest answer to that question is that we are here to honor and memorialize Ryan. On one level that is true. But, Ryan never sought recognition or reward -- we know that. So, it must be something different, something deeper, and it is.

Eulogies, funerals, memorial services such as these…they are not for the deceased…they are for the living. We are not here for Ryan, we are here because of Ryan. It sounds a bit selfish to say that I am here for myself, but, for me, this afternoon is the second step to healing.

The first step for my healing was just recognizing that I needed to be here. I woke up yesterday morning after a tearful weekend feeling quite anxious. I was still tearful. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t concentrate. When I called my wife Melissa, she asked how I was doing, and I answered honestly, "Not well" as I burst in to tears yet again. She gently answered, "Well then, you need to go tomorrow." There I was, surrounded by millions of people in Washington, DC, and yet, I felt very alone. Yes, I needed to be here.

I called my attending and told her simply, "I need to go home." Then it struck me, Illinois Wesleyan, Ryan, my professors, classmates, current students, the Quad -- yes, this is home. The Illinois Wesleyan family brought us all together. It has taken 10 years of perspective to fully realize that we are a family. When one succeeds, we all succeed. When one grieves, we all grieve.

Again, I ask, why are we here?

One sunny spring afternoon in 1993, while Ryan and I lived together, I learned that my mother had lost her battle with breast cancer. As I told Ryan the news, he wrapped his arms around me as I wept. I’m not sure how long he held me…

From the Message translation of the Bible, II Corinthians 1:3-7 tells us the following:

"All praise to the God and father of our Master Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes along side us when we ho through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more than the good times of his healing comfort -- we get a full measure of that, too.

"When we suffer for Jesus, it works out for your healing and salvation. If we are treated well, given a helping hand and encouraging word, that also works to your benefit, spurring you on, face foreward, unflinching. Your hard times are also our hard times. When we see that you’re just as willing to endure the hard times as to enjoy the good times, we know you’re going to make it, no doubt about it."

God understands. As his son Jesus Christ hung on the cross, paying the price for our sins, he knew what it is to suffer. It was that suffering that allows God to comfort us today and, in turn, for us to comfort others, much as Ryan was a comfort to me that spring afternoon.

We are entering the Easter season and over the next few weeks, we will see images and hear sermons about Christ’s death. Let these be a reminder of our salvation through him and God’s love and comfort for us.

Life does seem a little less complete at this moment without Ryan. God, do I miss him. But it does not end here. In fact, this is just the beginning. I am learning that every patient I treat, every experience I have, and every relationship I make can teach me something. It has taken me 10 years to realize what that one embrace meant. But, that embrace created a legacy. Ryan, thank you. I love you, my brother.

C.S. Lewis said simply, "Pain is God’s megaphone." Well, he has our attention. I ask with you today, "Why am I here?" There is an answer to that question, my friends, my family, that, I am sure of. There is an answer.

Thank you and God bless.
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