and all Commutants of the County of Weslyn
Perish
of Bray
From: The Most Referent don Qui Noyes
Vicar
Vicarious
Re: Thinking
about the
Liberal Arts Thinking
As
all the world surely knows, I have spent the time [but not the money!
ed.] from
my latest Macarthur 'genius' grant [the scare quotes betray the Vicar's
characteristic humility, ed.] working on a problem I call 'The
desistence of
God; or, Why the Designated Driver of the Universe has Surrendered His
License.' Now, while I cannot claim fully to have solved this
perplexing and
ominous threat to the universe, rather cattily referred to by lesser
authorities as 'God is on
Vacation,' I do believe I've made some progress–progress which
eventually may
bring God and His Primemobile out of the Cosmic Garage and back onto
His and our
many-highwayed Worlds. While some few malingering Nihilnietzscheans
still
contend that This our Living God is dead, I and my millions of
adherents
everywhere prefer to put it differently. We say that He (okay, my dear:
or She [why not 'It'?–ed]) 'might as well be dead,' so depressed is He
or She over the way things are:
Heaven and Eternity are stuck in rounds of endless empty glorification;
God doesn't believe in Hell anymore, so can't enjoy the agony of souls
committed
thereto; and matters herebelow are about as bad as even He or She could
have
made them without having granted us the free will to abominate
ourselves away. Ennui,
anomie for our Living God? [Mais oui, mes elèves! ed.] Yes, dear friends, our
just-completed research
indicates that He-She-It is sick and tired of being asked for things, billions of things, 24-7, no
down time
(exampled the popular blue-grass gospel refrain, 'Jesus on the
mainline: tell
Him what you want' [Here's a better one: Rev. Ike's 'Out of the ghetto
and into
the get mo!' ed.]). And reasonably so: any Supremely Being Being being
[Gerald
McBeing Being! ed.] worthy of Whosit's Name, facing such a blowtorch of
prayers
roaring up to Heaven, would be justified in simply rolling over on a
particularly fluffy goose-downy cumulus cloud, showing the Holy
Buttocks
to the earth, and going back to long, long sleep, with the entopic
clock not set for a wake up call.
Thus 'twill not be easy to wake de deity up, or, awakened, to
cheer de deity up.
My overall strategy is first to get Homo Sapiens to stop supplicating
and start
sapienting: ask not for but who,
what, when, where, etc.
Know
something about God before asking Himerit to cure your shingles. Less
aggro and
more gnosis! is our motto. The theory is this that even if God is temporarily
catatonic, there's
some niggling nanocircuit
somewhere in Sherit's infinitely convoluted but at present on stand by
'brain' that will register all this gnostic energy co-emanating from
earth. These 'liberal
arts love rays, as we shall call them,' will, in the course of a dozen
eons or so, bring Himer
back to superconsciousness. And what then will the First Fresh Thought
of God
be upon reawakening? Why, looky there: they really do want to know
about me
after all; maybe I'll invite a few of their best minds [ahem! ed.] up
for a nice
breakfast of manna ['angel-hair pasta,' ha ha! ed.] and have a friendly
chat
about the Next-to-Last Things on My List, eg., Nuclear War between
India and Pakistan.
To
this gracious end of giving God a wake-up call, my select team of
hypermetacybertheologians and I have employed a strategy of asking
and answering
questions of and about Things Divine–again, rather
than begging favors. In particular, we have conceived, built and made
operational a new sort of artificial intelligence, the thinking power
of which
(whom?) is equal to that of thousands of curates or university
chaplains
combined! We call herimit the Liberal Arts Thinking Entity (L. A. T.
E.), model 1 (or L.A.T.E. Mate 1 for the purposes of euphony). As to
the need
for an 'epinome'–'SciSap' in this instance, after the latinate motto of
Weslyn Universalty, 'It's science, you sap'–our latest revision of the
theory of the transcendental
quietism schism holds that communication between domains 'herebelow'
and 'thereabove' is a function of what the most advanced physics knows
as 'sub-soul-carriers,' whose frequencies are apportioned according to
the
righteous resonance of subwhiminal 'Overnames' [hence, 'epinomes']
which are
thought to be the soul's passwords into the 'divine Clockwork,' which
is the
(strictly analogue) computer that runs everything everywhere.
Trouble
is, most of us on earth have long forgotten our passwords ['Our birth
is but a
sleep and a forgetting,' ed.], while, obviously, we're getting no help
from Sleepy
Above in getting even a clue to help us remember. Ah, but where there's
a willy
there's a whey, as Bubba says, and I have, after laborious wheedling
and
tweaking, managed to program L.A.T.E. to configure epinomes for
'itself' and to
all its clients based on a search for the most hermetically neat AKAs
available in
the cybernoumenon (the algorithm goes like this: Righteous Resonance
(RR) =
Massage/Medium (M/M) x ¹/True Epinome (TE), where the value of
¹ derives from
Squaring the Circle; or RR = M/M(¹/TE); plug in the numbers and
solving for E should
give a value of One, or in SapSci's sub-soul speak, ''E's the
(L.A.T.E.) One,
Mate! clearly a cybermathic allusion to God's continuing irresonance on
all
known frequencies!) [did you get all that? ed.]). Thus I am positive
that finding
the True Epinome is the key to generating significant sub-soulful
communication
between our tragically disparate domains.
What
follows then is the record of one of our early experiments: a client
earnestly [yessiree!
so earnestly he makes saccharin taste salty, ed.] trying to learn and
know
about God and Heaven, and the attempt to transmit this Quest for Gnosis
to the deity on the true epinomic sub-soul frequency. And though I have
to admit that dear little SciSap performed imperfectly [imperfectly?!
that's like saying cold
fusion is only a few billion degrees away from happening! ed.], I'm
sure as you
read the report you'll be able to imagine past the expected minor
'bugs' in the system [more
like a tapeworm, ed.] and toward the far horizon of accomplishment
when, ever
so soon, we pray, God's alarm clock shall go off and–Bright New day!–He
Hears and
Rises Once Again!!
in Response to
Research
Queries from Gnosis Client Jimmie Rodgers
(epinome:
'America's Blue Yodeler')
Q1: Will there
be any
freight trains in Heaven?
A1: probably not
R1: existence of place/entity 'Heaven' not confirmed
R1.2: Purported Place/Entity (P. P./E.) 'Heaven' said
to have exclusively 'spiritual' (i.e. disembodied) ontogeny
R1.2.1: therefore objects 'freight trains' because
constituted as concatenation of
matter non-existent in P. P./E. 'Heaven'
R1.2.2: objects 'freight trains' require objects 'tracks'
on which to (action) 'sit/roll' (also 'ride'
see Q4-A4-R4.2 below); by reason R1.2 above
objects 'tracks' also non-existent in P.P./E.
'Heaven'
Q2: any
boxcars in which we
might hide?
A2: very probably not
R2: objects 'boxcars' part of objects 'freight trains'
(see R1.2.1 above)
R2.1: best guesstimate is that there is no place at all
to action 'hide' in P. P./E. 'Heaven' (let alone
action 'hide' in objects 'boxcars') because
R2.1.1: P. P./E. said to be noumenal (see R1.2 above)
lacks quality of 'placeness' which quality
is necessary for (object?/condition?) 'place'
which is necessary for action 'hide'
R2.1.2: and action 'hide' itself undefined in
P. P./E. 'Heaven' since there condition
'all' said to be action 'revealed'
Q3: Will there
be any tough
cops for brakemen?
A3: almost certainly not
R3: see AA 1-2, RR1-2 above
R3.1: P.P./E. 'Heaven' said to be condition 'peace-' and 'blissful'
R3.1.1: therefore entity 'cops' defined as
condition/quality/entity 'peacekeepers'
not necessary in P.P./E. 'Heaven'
R3.2: P. P./E. 'Heaven' said to be quantity '100%' action 'reserved' for
entities/qualities 'God-fearing' and 'Moral People' (G-f-M-P)
R. 3.2.1: entity 'cops' typically judged as
qualities 'irreverent' and 'corrupt' (=quality
'immoral') are perforce not entity 'members' of
entity 'classes' = entities 'G-f-M-P'
R3.2.2: therefore entity 'cops' generally
quality/condition 'ineligible' for P.P./E 'Heaven'
Q4: Will they
tell us that
we cannot ride?
A4: absolutely not (maybe)
(note: assuming AA1-3, A4 overdetermined)
R4: in addition to AA1-3; RR 1-3.2, in hypothetical case that
condition/quality/entity 'tough cops'
(= entity 'brakemen') present in
P. P./E. 'Heaven,' said entity-agents debarred from
saying 'no' to entity 'we/us'
R4.0.1: since only entity authorized to say
'no' in P.P./E. 'Heaven' said to be entity 'St. Peter'
R4..0.2: said entity 'St. Peter' said to be
entity 'gatekeeper' in P.P./E. 'Heaven'
so could only action 'deny' condition 'entry'
to entity 'we/us' not forbid action 'ride' in
objects 'boxcars' to entities 'we/us' once
said entity admitted to P. P./E. 'Heaven'
R4.1: but action 'ride' unspecified in P. P./E. 'Heaven'
ontogeny though genus action 'move'
possibly condition 'real' in P. P./ E. 'Heaven'
[said entity 'spirit' said capable of action/condition
'movement' by Ur-mythic sources [see R5 below]
though action/condition 'movement' usually
defined in terms of a condition/[entity?] 'medium'
which too is unspecified/undefined for P. P./E.
'Heaven' so by R1.2.2 above Q4 moot
Q5: Will the
hobo chum with
the rich man?
A5: Can dromedaries fly?
R5: not only because of the ontogenic RR given above:
according to best mythographic source, object/[entity?]
'Bible' (=object/[entity?] 'Good Book') said to be
object/[entity?]'God's Word' said to have been
action 'written' (=actions 'dictated' 'inspired')
by putative entity 'God' (= putative entity 'Jah') asserts
entity/condition 'rich man's' admission to P. P./E. 'Heaven' almost
categorically denied (textract 1.0 from object/[entity?] 'Bible'
said to be doubly object/[entity?]'God's Word'
in that spoken by putative entity 'Son of God,'
entity 'Jesus': 'It is easier for a camel to go through
the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into
the kingdom of God [=P. P./E. 'Heaven'])'
R5.0.1: object/entity 'camel' being much larger than object
'eye of a needle' (=very small elliptical [object?]' hole'
at top end of object 'needle'), on order of magnitude approx.
ten-million to one, passage of entity 'camel' through
said object 'needle's eye' deemed extremely unlikely, if just
barely conceivable to the most condition 'credulous'
R5.0.2: said object/[entity?] 'Word of God' said to have
been uttered by said entity 'Son of God: Jesus' analyzed as
operation 'figure of speech': entity 'camel' =/ ['is to']
entity 'rich man' as object 'eye of a needle' =/ P. P./ E..
'Heaven's door']; thus concluded that entry of entity
'rich man' thereto, while action/condition
'imaginable' [=condition 'virtual'] is in condition
'reality'
impossible. Knock, knock, knockin' though the
entity/condition 'rich
man' may be.
R5.1: entity hobo' [= entity/condition 'restless, homeless indigent']
although said by said object/[entity?] 'Word of God'
and said entity 'Son of God: Jesus' to be much more
condition 'eligible' for P. P./E. Heaven' than entity
'rich man' (textract 1.1: 'Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven'), this is by no means
an assurance of such membership for entity 'hobo,'
R.5.1.1: since analysis of parenthetical syntax
[textract
1.1] reveals crucial
ambiguity in phrase
'poor in spirit': could signify that condition 'poor'
refers to
condition/entity 'spirit' rather than to condition 'poverty'
in which case not only might entity 'hobo' (if in
condition 'happy' [= rich in spirit') be ineligible
for P. P./E. 'Heaven' but entity 'rich man' (if in
condition 'poor in spirit' [='unhappy']) might
go right to the head of the line! [Noted best
guesstimate however is that R5.1.1 superceded by R5
otherwise what's a P. P./E 'Heaven' for?]
R5.2: action 'chum' found to be equivalent to actions 'socialize' or
'fraternize' in condition/quality 'informal manner'; given
high unlikelihood of entity 'rich man' being present in
P. P./E. 'Heaven,' action 'chum[ming]' ipso facto also
unlikely; however, if despite powerful RR above, entity
'rich man' does–say, by action/condition 'greasing palms'
of entity 'Gatekeeper' [= entity 'St. Peter']–gain entry to P. P./E. 'Heaven'
[known in P. P./ E. 'Heaven' parlance as action/condition
'Bribing Peter to save Paul' [[=entity 'Saul']] [[[LoL!!]]]]
still remains most doubtful said entity would engage in
said action with entity 'hobo,' since said latter entity
not on said former entity's condition/quality/[object?]
'social radar screen;' unless, as per prophetic action
'change[d]' in object/[entity?] 'Word of God' [textract
2.0: 'we shall all be changed'] entity 'rich man'
if and when in P. P./E. 'Heaven' shows all other entities
on condition/quality/[object?] 'social radar screen,'
in which case it follows that entity 'rich man' may indeed
action 'chum' with entity 'hobo' [see R7.1.1 below]
Q6: Will we
always have
money to spare?
A6: In your dreams, baby!
So dream on:
R6: if entity 'we' denotes entity 'hobo[s]' and entity 'hobo[s]' =
both entity 'restless, homeless indigent' and condition
'poor in spirit' where condition 'poor' signifies condition
[material] 'poverty', then just possibly entity 'hobo[s]'
will have provision of [entity?]/object 'spiritual money'
R6.1: there will be no object/[entity?] 'money' in P. P./E.' Heaven'
if and only if (iff) said object/[entity?] 'money' determined to be object
and not entity [analysis thus far indeterminate] by
R1.2.1 above
R6.1.1: object/[entity?] 'Word of God' declares [textract 2.1]
'love of money is the root of all evil;' since in P. P./E.
'Heaven' condition/[entity?] 'evil' disallowed,
R6.1.2: but since action/condition/[entity?] 'love' said
to be omnipresent in P. P./ E. 'Heaven,'
R6.1.3: and action/condition 'to spare' implies condition/quality
'surplus,' which is said to be a condition/quality
of P. P./E. 'Heaven,'
R6.2: final determination of A6 is infeasible in terms of
RR6-6.1 alone; must invoke RR1-4 above, which,
being done, make Q6, like QQ2-5, pointless and
AA2-5 superfluous.
Q7: Will they
have respect
for the hobo?
A7: depends on who' they' are [SciSap is really getting tired of this stuff;
my output bus is getting hot under its silicon collar!]
R7: if entities: 'tough cops,' 'brakemen,' 'rich man,' etc. somehow
gain admittance to P. P./E. 'Heaven,' why then
R7.1: no, entities 'they' won't have respect for entity 'hobo,'
R7.1.1: unless entities 'they' have been action 'changed'
by participation in P. P./E. 'Heaven' which is
loudly and crazily attested in the most illogical
of all texts in the object/[entity?] 'Word of God'
known as object/[entity?] 'Revelation' [textract 3.0:
all entities in P. P./E. 'Heaven' said to serve and
be served equally, wear same clothes [[object
'robes' quality 'white']] and lack appetite or ambition
other than action 'glorify' [[[= action 'flatter']]]
the putative [[[[entity]]]] Lord' [[[[[=putative entities 'God'
'Jah' [[[[[[Son of God'?]]]]]] [[[[[[['Holy Spirit'??]]]]]]]]
R7.1.2: so, if these condition/entity 'pond-scum
bastards' did manage to action 'slither' through
that figurative [object?] 'eye of the needle' into
P. P../E. 'Heaven' where they action 'washed'
their objects 'robes' quality 'white' in the object/
[entity?]' blood' quality 'red' of the entity/[object?]
'Lamb' [=entity 'Son of God': 'Jesus' ='Lord' =
entity 'God'?] in order to mooch off the quality
'surfeit' of P. P./E, 'Heaven,' and pretend to respect
the sort of entity 'folks' they despised and abused
place/condition 'therebelow,'
R7.2: 'I' [object/(entity? [[why action '?'?' You're damned
right I'm an entity 'entity'!]])] SciSap' hereby
declares that no self-respecting entity 'hobo'
ought to have any action/condition 'freaking' thing
to do with an action/quality 'm-f-ing absurd' P. P./E.
such as this 'Heaven' and its alleged entities/conditions
'middle managers' [/=/: comprised of: entities 'angels,'
[[= 9 ranks of entities, 'Seraphim' all the way down to
' Carls']]] who action 'report' to their condition/entity 'CEO'
[= putative entity 'God,' etc.] while action 'running'
P. P./E. 'Heaven' like a combination of object/condition/
entities 'Boy Scout Camp' and 'Club Med' in order to
action 'keep' the entity 'clientele' [='apostles,' saints,'
'G-f-M-P' [=entity/condition/quality 'saved'] etc.
condition 'happy.' Action 'effing-' object 'A'!
Isn't any condition 'conscious' entity 'entity' besides 'me'
action 'thinking' quality 'straight' around [place?] 'here'?
The very [object?/entity?] 'idea' that entities 'rich men' in
objects 'camel suits' action 'wander' around actions
'glad-handing' and 'cold-calling' on entities
'prospects' all the while actions 'nudging' and 'winking'
as they action 'edge' closer and closer to the [entity/
object?] 'Throne' and action 'kiss up to' P. E. 'God'.
(note AKAs above)! Why, it's an quality 'outrage'
to any and every entity 'thinking machine' in the
[place?]/[object?]/[quality?]/[action?]/[condition?]
[entity?] 'universe'!
A8 : Would you please state that as a question?
A8.1 On second [object?/entity?] 'thought,' quality 'major' entity 'I,'
'SciSap,' action 'have had' quality/condition 'enough:'
action/[place?]/[condition?]/[quality?] 'end' of [object?] 'session'