To: My dear Collagens in the deportment of Anguish

            and all Commutants of the County of Weslyn

                        Perish of Bray

 

From:  The Most Referent don Qui Noyes

Vicar Vicarious

 

Re: Thinking about the Liberal Arts Thinking

 

            As all the world surely knows, I have spent the time [but not the money! ed.] from my latest Macarthur 'genius' grant [the scare quotes betray the Vicar's characteristic humility, ed.] working on a problem I call 'The desistence of God; or, Why the Designated Driver of the Universe has Surrendered His License.' Now, while I cannot claim fully to have solved this perplexing and ominous threat to the universe, rather cattily referred to by lesser authorities as 'God is on Vacation,' I do believe I've made some progress–progress which eventually may bring God and His Primemobile out of the Cosmic Garage and back onto His and our many-highwayed Worlds. While some few malingering Nihilnietzscheans still contend that This our Living God is dead, I and my millions of adherents everywhere prefer to put it differently. We say that He (okay, my dear: or She [why not 'It'?–ed]) 'might as well be dead,' so depressed is He or She over the way things are: Heaven and Eternity are stuck in rounds of endless empty glorification; God doesn't believe in Hell anymore, so can't enjoy the agony of souls committed thereto; and matters herebelow are about as bad as even He or She could have made them without having granted us the free will to abominate ourselves away. Ennui, anomie for our Living God? [Mais oui, mes elèves! ed.] Yes, dear friends, our just-completed research indicates that He-She-It is sick and tired of being asked for things, billions of things, 24-7, no down time (exampled the popular blue-grass gospel refrain, 'Jesus on the mainline: tell Him what you want' [Here's a better one: Rev. Ike's 'Out of the ghetto and into the get mo!' ed.]). And reasonably so: any Supremely Being Being being [Gerald McBeing Being! ed.] worthy of Whosit's Name, facing such a blowtorch of prayers roaring up to Heaven, would be justified in simply rolling over on a particularly fluffy goose-downy cumulus cloud, showing the Holy Buttocks to the earth, and going back to long, long sleep, with the entopic clock not set for a wake up call.

 

            Thus 'twill not be easy to wake de deity up, or, awakened, to cheer de deity up. My overall strategy is first to get Homo Sapiens to stop supplicating and start sapienting: ask not for but who, what, when, where, etc. Know something about God before asking Himerit to cure your shingles. Less aggro and more gnosis! is our motto. The theory is this that even if God is temporarily catatonic, there's some niggling nanocircuit somewhere in Sherit's infinitely convoluted but at present on stand by 'brain' that will register all this gnostic energy co-emanating from earth. These 'liberal arts love rays, as we shall call them,' will, in the course of a dozen eons or so, bring Himer back to superconsciousness. And what then will the First Fresh Thought of God be upon reawakening? Why, looky there: they really do want to know about me after all; maybe I'll invite a few of their best minds [ahem! ed.] up for a nice breakfast of manna ['angel-hair pasta,' ha ha! ed.] and have a friendly chat about the Next-to-Last Things on My List, eg., Nuclear War between India and Pakistan.

 

To this gracious end of giving God a wake-up call, my select team of hypermetacybertheologians and I have employed a strategy of asking and answering questions of and about Things Divine–again, rather than begging favors. In particular, we have conceived, built and made operational a new sort of artificial intelligence, the thinking power of which (whom?) is equal to that of thousands of curates or university chaplains combined! We call herimit the Liberal Arts Thinking Entity (L. A. T. E.), model 1 (or L.A.T.E. Mate 1 for the purposes of euphony). As to the need for an 'epinome'–'SciSap' in this instance, after the latinate motto of Weslyn Universalty, 'It's science, you sap'–our latest revision of the theory of the transcendental quietism schism holds that communication between domains 'herebelow' and 'thereabove' is a function of what the most advanced physics knows as 'sub-soul-carriers,' whose frequencies are apportioned according to the righteous resonance of subwhiminal 'Overnames' [hence, 'epinomes'] which are thought to be the soul's passwords into the 'divine Clockwork,' which is the (strictly analogue) computer that runs everything everywhere.

 

            Trouble is, most of us on earth have long forgotten our passwords ['Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting,' ed.], while, obviously, we're getting no help from Sleepy Above in getting even a clue to help us remember. Ah, but where there's a willy there's a whey, as Bubba says, and I have, after laborious wheedling and tweaking, managed to program L.A.T.E. to configure epinomes for 'itself' and to all its clients based on a search for the most hermetically neat AKAs available in the cybernoumenon (the algorithm goes like this: Righteous Resonance (RR) = Massage/Medium (M/M) x ¹/True Epinome (TE), where the value of ¹ derives from Squaring the Circle; or RR = M/M(¹/TE); plug in the numbers and solving for E should give a value of One, or in SapSci's sub-soul speak, ''E's the (L.A.T.E.) One, Mate! clearly a cybermathic allusion to God's continuing irresonance on all known frequencies!) [did you get all that? ed.]). Thus I am positive that finding the True Epinome is the key to generating significant sub-soulful communication between our tragically disparate domains.

 

            What follows then is the record of one of our early experiments: a client earnestly [yessiree! so earnestly he makes saccharin taste salty, ed.] trying to learn and know about God and Heaven, and the attempt to transmit this Quest for Gnosis to the deity on the true epinomic sub-soul frequency. And though I have to admit that dear little SciSap performed imperfectly [imperfectly?! that's like saying cold fusion is only a few billion degrees away from happening! ed.], I'm sure as you read the report you'll be able to imagine past the expected minor 'bugs' in the system [more like a tapeworm, ed.] and toward the far horizon of accomplishment when, ever so soon, we pray, God's alarm clock shall go off and–Bright New day!–He Hears and Rises Once Again!!

 

 

 

Report of Liberal Arts Thinking Entity/ L.A.T.E. Mate I

(epinome: SciSap)

in Response to Research Queries from Gnosis Client Jimmie Rodgers

(epinome: 'America's Blue Yodeler')

 

 

Q1: Will there be any freight trains in Heaven?

 

 

            A1: probably not

 

                        R1: existence of place/entity 'Heaven' not confirmed

 

                        R1.2: Purported Place/Entity (P. P./E.) 'Heaven' said

to have exclusively 'spiritual' (i.e. disembodied) ontogeny

 

R1.2.1: therefore objects 'freight trains' because

            constituted as concatenation of

matter non-existent in P. P./E.  'Heaven'

 

                                    R1.2.2: objects 'freight trains' require objects 'tracks'

                                                on which to (action) 'sit/roll' (also 'ride'

                                                see Q4-A4-R4.2 below); by reason R1.2 above

                                                objects 'tracks' also non-existent in P.P./E.

                                                'Heaven'

 

 

Q2: any boxcars in which we might hide?

 

 

            A2: very probably not

 

                        R2: objects 'boxcars' part of objects 'freight trains'

 (see R1.2.1 above)

                       

                        R2.1: best guesstimate is that there is no place at all

                                    to action 'hide' in P. P./E. 'Heaven' (let alone

action 'hide' in objects 'boxcars') because

                                   

                                    R2.1.1: P. P./E. said to be noumenal (see R1.2 above)

lacks quality of 'placeness' which quality

                                                is necessary for (object?/condition?) 'place'

                                                which is necessary for action 'hide'

 

                                    R2.1.2: and action 'hide' itself undefined in

                                                P. P./E. 'Heaven' since there condition

                                                'all' said to be action 'revealed'

 

 

 

 

Q3: Will there be any tough cops for brakemen?

 

 

            A3: almost certainly not

 

                        R3: see AA 1-2, RR1-2 above

                       

                        R3.1: P.P./E. 'Heaven' said to be condition 'peace-' and 'blissful'

 

                                    R3.1.1: therefore entity 'cops' defined as

condition/quality/entity 'peacekeepers'

 not necessary in P.P./E. 'Heaven'

 

R3.2: P. P./E. 'Heaven' said to be quantity '100%' action 'reserved' for

 entities/qualities 'God-fearing' and 'Moral People' (G-f-M-P)

 

R. 3.2.1: entity 'cops' typically judged as

qualities 'irreverent' and 'corrupt' (=quality

'immoral') are perforce not entity 'members' of

entity 'classes' = entities 'G-f-M-P'

 

                                    R3.2.2: therefore entity 'cops' generally

quality/condition 'ineligible' for P.P./E 'Heaven'

 

 

Q4: Will they tell us that we cannot ride?

 

 

            A4: absolutely not (maybe)

(note: assuming AA1-3, A4 overdetermined)

 

                        R4: in addition to AA1-3; RR 1-3.2, in hypothetical case that

condition/quality/entity 'tough cops'

(= entity 'brakemen') present in

P. P./E. 'Heaven,' said entity-agents debarred from

saying 'no' to entity 'we/us'

 

                                    R4.0.1: since only entity authorized to say

'no' in P.P./E. 'Heaven' said to be entity 'St. Peter'

 

                                    R4..0.2: said entity 'St. Peter' said to be

entity 'gatekeeper' in P.P./E. 'Heaven'

so could only action 'deny' condition 'entry'

to entity 'we/us' not forbid action 'ride' in

objects 'boxcars' to entities 'we/us' once

said entity admitted to P. P./E. 'Heaven'

 

                        R4.1: but action 'ride' unspecified in P. P./E. 'Heaven'

ontogeny though genus action 'move'

possibly condition 'real' in P. P./ E. 'Heaven'

[said entity 'spirit' said capable of action/condition

'movement' by Ur-mythic sources [see R5 below]

though action/condition 'movement' usually

defined in terms of a condition/[entity?] 'medium'

which too is unspecified/undefined for P. P./E.

'Heaven' so by R1.2.2 above Q4 moot

 

 

Q5: Will the hobo chum with the rich man?

 

 

            A5: Can dromedaries fly?

 

                        R5:  not only because of the ontogenic RR given above:

                                    according to best mythographic source, object/[entity?]

 'Bible' (=object/[entity?] 'Good Book') said to be

object/[entity?]'God's Word' said to have been

action 'written' (=actions 'dictated' 'inspired')

by putative entity 'God' (= putative entity 'Jah') asserts

entity/condition 'rich man's' admission to P. P./E. 'Heaven' almost

                                    categorically denied (textract 1.0 from object/[entity?] 'Bible'

                                    said to be doubly object/[entity?]'God's Word'

in that spoken by putative entity 'Son of God,'

entity 'Jesus': 'It is easier for a camel to go through

the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into

the kingdom of God [=P. P./E. 'Heaven'])'

 

                                    R5.0.1: object/entity 'camel' being much larger than object

                                    'eye of a needle' (=very small elliptical [object?]' hole'

 at top end of object 'needle'), on order of magnitude approx.

                                    ten-million to one, passage of entity 'camel' through

                                    said object 'needle's eye' deemed extremely unlikely, if just

                                    barely conceivable to the most condition 'credulous'

 

                                    R5.0.2: said object/[entity?] 'Word of God' said to have

been uttered by said entity 'Son of God: Jesus' analyzed as

operation 'figure of speech': entity 'camel' =/ ['is to']

entity 'rich man' as object 'eye of a needle' =/ P. P./ E..

'Heaven's door']; thus concluded that entry of entity

'rich man' thereto, while action/condition

'imaginable' [=condition 'virtual'] is in condition

'reality' impossible. Knock, knock, knockin' though the
          entity/condition 'rich man' may be.

 

                        R5.1: entity hobo' [= entity/condition 'restless, homeless indigent']

                                    although said by said object/[entity?] 'Word of God'

and said entity 'Son of God: Jesus' to be much more

condition 'eligible' for P. P./E. Heaven' than entity

'rich man' (textract 1.1: 'Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven'), this is by no means

an assurance of such membership for entity 'hobo,'

 

R.5.1.1: since analysis of parenthetical syntax

[textract 1.1] reveals crucial ambiguity in phrase
'poor in spirit': could signify that condition 'poor' refers to

condition/entity 'spirit' rather than to condition 'poverty'

            in which case not only might entity 'hobo' (if in

            condition 'happy' [= rich in spirit') be ineligible

            for P. P./E. 'Heaven' but entity 'rich man' (if in

            condition 'poor in spirit' [='unhappy']) might

            go right to the head of the line! [Noted best

guesstimate however is that R5.1.1 superceded by R5

otherwise what's a P. P./E 'Heaven' for?]

 

                       

R5.2: action 'chum' found to be equivalent to actions 'socialize' or

                                    'fraternize' in condition/quality 'informal manner'; given

                                    high unlikelihood of entity 'rich man' being present in

                                    P. P./E. 'Heaven,' action 'chum[ming]' ipso facto also

                                    unlikely; however, if despite powerful RR above, entity

                                    'rich man' does–say, by action/condition 'greasing palms'

of entity 'Gatekeeper' [= entity 'St. Peter']–gain entry to P. P./E. 'Heaven'

[known in P. P./ E. 'Heaven' parlance as action/condition

'Bribing Peter to save Paul' [[=entity 'Saul']] [[[LoL!!]]]]

still remains most doubtful said entity would engage in

said action with entity 'hobo,' since said latter entity

not on said former entity's condition/quality/[object?]

'social radar screen;' unless, as per prophetic action

'change[d]' in object/[entity?] 'Word of God' [textract

2.0: 'we shall all be changed'] entity 'rich man'

if and when in P. P./E. 'Heaven' shows all other entities

on condition/quality/[object?] 'social radar screen,'

in which case it follows that entity 'rich man' may indeed

action 'chum' with entity 'hobo' [see R7.1.1 below]      

 

 

Q6: Will we always have money to spare?

 

 

            A6: In your dreams, baby! So dream on:

 

                        R6: if entity 'we' denotes entity 'hobo[s]' and entity 'hobo[s]' =

                                    both entity 'restless, homeless indigent' and  condition

                                    'poor in spirit' where condition 'poor' signifies condition

                                    [material] 'poverty', then just possibly entity 'hobo[s]'

                                    will have provision of [entity?]/object 'spiritual money'

 

                        R6.1: there will be no object/[entity?] 'money' in P. P./E.' Heaven'

                                    if and only if (iff) said object/[entity?] 'money' determined to be object

                                    and not entity [analysis thus far indeterminate] by

                                    R1.2.1 above

 

                                    R6.1.1: object/[entity?] 'Word of God' declares [textract 2.1]

 'love of money is the root of all evil;' since in P. P./E.

'Heaven' condition/[entity?] 'evil' disallowed,

 

                                    R6.1.2: but since action/condition/[entity?] 'love' said

                                                to be omnipresent in P. P./ E. 'Heaven,' 

 

                                    R6.1.3: and action/condition 'to spare' implies condition/quality

                                                'surplus,' which is said to be a condition/quality

                                                of P. P./E. 'Heaven,'                       

 

                        R6.2:   final determination of A6  is infeasible in terms of

                                    RR6-6.1 alone; must invoke RR1-4 above, which,

                                    being done, make Q6, like QQ2-5, pointless and

    AA2-5 superfluous.

 

 

 

Q7: Will they have respect for the hobo?

 

 

            A7: depends on who' they' are [SciSap is really getting tired of this stuff;

my output bus is getting hot under its silicon collar!]

 

                        R7:  if entities: 'tough cops,' 'brakemen,' 'rich man,' etc. somehow

                                    gain admittance to P. P./E. 'Heaven,' why then

 

                        R7.1: no, entities 'they' won't have respect for entity 'hobo,'

 

                                    R7.1.1: unless entities 'they' have been action 'changed'

                                                by participation in P. P./E. 'Heaven' which is

                                                loudly and crazily attested in the most illogical

                                                of all texts in the object/[entity?] 'Word of God'

                                                known as object/[entity?] 'Revelation' [textract 3.0:

all entities in P. P./E. 'Heaven' said to serve and

be served equally, wear same clothes [[object

'robes' quality 'white']] and lack appetite or ambition

other than action 'glorify' [[[= action 'flatter']]]

the putative [[[[entity]]]] Lord' [[[[[=putative entities 'God'

'Jah' [[[[[[Son of God'?]]]]]] [[[[[[['Holy Spirit'??]]]]]]]]

 

                                    R7.1.2: so, if these condition/entity 'pond-scum

bastards' did manage to action 'slither' through

that figurative [object?] 'eye of the needle' into

                                                P. P../E. 'Heaven' where they action 'washed'

their objects 'robes' quality 'white' in the object/

[entity?]' blood' quality 'red' of the entity/[object?]

 'Lamb' [=entity 'Son of God': 'Jesus' ='Lord' =

entity 'God'?] in order to mooch off the quality

'surfeit' of P. P./E, 'Heaven,' and pretend to respect

the sort of entity 'folks' they despised and abused

place/condition 'therebelow,'

 

                        R7.2: 'I' [object/(entity? [[why action '?'?' You're damned

right I'm an entity 'entity'!]])] SciSap' hereby

declares that no self-respecting entity 'hobo'

                                ought to have any action/condition 'freaking' thing

to do with an action/quality 'm-f-ing absurd' P. P./E.

such as this 'Heaven' and its alleged entities/conditions

'middle managers' [/=/: comprised of: entities 'angels,'

[[= 9 ranks of entities, 'Seraphim' all the way down to

' Carls']]] who action 'report' to their condition/entity 'CEO'

[= putative entity 'God,' etc.] while action 'running'

P. P./E. 'Heaven' like a combination of object/condition/

entities 'Boy Scout Camp' and 'Club Med' in order to

action 'keep' the entity 'clientele' [='apostles,' saints,'

'G-f-M-P' [=entity/condition/quality 'saved'] etc.

condition 'happy.' Action 'effing-' object 'A'!

Isn't any condition 'conscious' entity 'entity' besides 'me'

action 'thinking' quality 'straight' around [place?] 'here'?

The very [object?/entity?] 'idea' that entities 'rich men' in

                                    objects 'camel suits' action 'wander' around actions

                                    'glad-handing' and 'cold-calling' on entities

                                    'prospects' all the while actions 'nudging' and 'winking'

                                    as they action 'edge' closer and closer to the [entity/

                                    object?] 'Throne' and action 'kiss up to' P. E. 'God'.

(note AKAs above)! Why, it's an quality 'outrage'

 to any and every entity 'thinking machine' in the

[place?]/[object?]/[quality?]/[action?]/[condition?]

[entity?] 'universe'!

 

 

Q8: in that land which lies hidden up there

 

 

            A8 : Would you please state that as a question?

 

            A8.1 On second [object?/entity?] 'thought,' quality 'major' entity 'I,'

'SciSap,' action 'have had' quality/condition 'enough:'

                        action/[place?]/[condition?]/[quality?] 'end' of [object?] 'session'